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It seems harder and harder to make time to form genuine connections with people as each year passes. You could blame it on the lack of 3rd spaces, or the rise of social media, or my generation's judgmental nature. Whatever it is, it feels almost impossible to find people that just want to hangout without needing a reason. 

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There is some truth to the lack of 3rd spaces argument. With the loss of so much physical media, you don’t have to leave your house to go pursue the things you’re into. You don’t have the same opportunities to run into people with similar interests as past generations did. But that’s also taking the easy way out and placing all of the blame on things that are out of your control. With the rise of the internet it is so easy to find events that you might be interested in. Events where cool people that you would totally get along with would be. It’s just up to you to actually go. Sure, you might have to travel or save up for it, but it takes effort to find these spaces. 

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Oftentimes I find myself longing for a time before smartphones. It all appeared to be so much easier back then. I spend my fair share of time on my phone, more time than I'd like to admit. I'm drafting this in my notes app right now. I do think that the connection it gives us to others is important, however I also think that social media has created a false sense of knowing people. We only post what we want others to see, it creates a parasocial relationship with people you might actually know in your real life, fostering a connection that is one-sided at best. It creates a painfully surface level relationship, and sometimes I feel like I don't know a lot of my friends at all. There isn’t much I love more than just hanging out with my friends, but when I could reach them at the tip of my fingers, why would I ever need to leave my house to go see them? It's so much easier to watch them live their lives than it is to actually be a part of it. Before I lived in the city, I used to drive over an hour to and from Detroit every single weekend just to go to shows and see my friends. People looked at me like I was crazy when I would tell them that. What seems more crazy to me is the fact that I'm so close now, and it feels harder than ever to see my friends. 

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I also think the rise in cringe culture and trying to seem ‘nonchalant’ about everything is extremely damaging to real friendships. The idea that you can’t reach out to people and just ask to hangout is absurd to me. Why is everyone so afraid of caring? The fear of being turned down or someone rescheduling plans has become debilitating for so many young people. The reality of it is that sometimes that’s just going to happen, and it’s okay. There is no shame in trying to make a new friend, or reaching out to see if someone’s available. I don't understand this wave of people being petrified of having normal human interactions, maybe it was covid that set people back, or maybe it’s just us overthinking everything. Not everything is that serious, I actually think most things aren’t. Sometimes things workout, and sometimes they don’t, it doesn’t have to be a personal dig every time plans fall through. 

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I love my friends, and I love hanging out. I love just sitting around and playing music and laughing until I'm in tears. I love talking and learning new things about the people in my life. There's not much in this world that brings me more joy. Can we just start hanging out again?