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I've worked alongside friends and family to put myself in a great place this year. I'm a full time student with career goals, have a job where I make good money, and I just bought a house at 20 years old with my best friend. Despite having so much going for me I feel lost, scared, guilty, and depressed. 

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When looking at my life isolated from the rest of the world, I feel such pride and happiness for having worked hard to get here. This feeling however is overridden because I can not isolate my experience from the reality of the world. 

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Not only is there a genocide being live-streamed and plastered all over social media, there are problems closer to home; the rise of authoritarianism and the active stripping of our human rights and privileges as American citizens. The lack of empathy and action across the world is outrageous but on the other hand, what influence do we hold as individuals. Of course the US government is supposed to serve the people- we the people should hold the power but we do not. 

 

In addition our votes historically getting diluted because of district lines and gerrymandering like the recent Texas redistricting, the Trump administration has been hard at work to grant him more power. Reduced checks and balances- one of the founding principles of the structure of our government-, free for all executive orders, censorship and manipulation of facts, information, and history, the list goes on. It's hard to grapple with the fact that even voicing my opinions, participating in protests, and donating money where I can is like a drop of water in an ocean, barely felt or seen. My own money, the dollars that come out of my pockets for taxes are used for things I would never support. I have no control over how it’s used. But it feels like blood money when I unwilling pay for the genocide of the Palestinian people. It enrages me that instead of going towards things like social security or useful public services, my money is funding the construction of a $200 million ballroom addition to the White House. 

 

We already hold such minute power compared to the rich and powerful. The very corporations that tell us we need to watch our waste, consumption, and energy use are the ones causing almost all of the damage they tout as our responsibility. Even though I have this understanding of who the real culprits are, I still can’t help but feel guilty if I don’t do my part: limiting my plastic use, being careful about using my AC too much, keeping the lights off. 

 

All of this goes to show why empathy and caring about others is so integral to society. The government can justify ripping families apart and sending people to- let’s face it- concentration camps and pulling money from cancer and medical research as a whole to give tax breaks to the richest people in the world. I feel ashamed when I don't have money to give to a homeless person begging at a stoplight and Trump wants to send the same unhoused people to proposed ‘tent towns’ aka internment camps as if they are a pollutant in the streets. 

 

Something that truly gets to me is how we’ve reached the current state we face. It started small, the waters were tested with policy change and even just verbalization of racism and bigotry. As no consequences arose and these first movements were even met with acceptance and support, it spiraled out of control. There's no point in providing evidence of all the horrific legislation, actions, and future plans of the Trump administration. It's everywhere, and it’s vile and dangerous how many choose to support this regime and believe in the warpath for an Aryan race, suppression of women, and the stripping of rights for anyone who doesn’t fit their requirements. It's nearly impossible to cover what has happened in the first 7 months of Trump's reign and what it implicates for the future. 

 

I fear for my life as a woman. I fear for the lives of all women, of people of color, queer folks, poor and unhoused people, and anyone who disagrees with the current administration. 

 

Again, as I stated earlier, this whole article feels useless. It’s just an untamed train of thought I used as an outlet. It won’t influence others opinions, inspire change, or fix any of the egregious issues we face. What I do hope is that whoever’s reading can feel solace in knowing that many people are struggling. It's hard to talk about these things in person sometimes out of fear of ruining the mood or making people uncomfortable, but the truth is ignoring it only makes it worse. As much as I like to suppress these emotions and thoughts to feel an ounce of peace, that’s an absolute abuse of my privilege. It's only right to feel this way as others suffer around me, and if you feel indifferent or okay right now you shouldn’t.